September 2009
4 posts
“You kids with your internet access are really spoilt when it comes to porn.”
– Angry Aussie
“I deliberately pissed very, very loudly - did anyone hear me?”
– Angry Aussie
“He was a vagina squared!”
– Angry Aussie
“I am a major fan of female genitals.”
– Angry Aussie
August 2009
14 posts
Kate Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Richard Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Kate Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Richard Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.
Richard Castle: So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? Very sweet, right?
Kate Beckett: [about the cover art to Castle's new Nikki Heat book] Sweet? She's naked!
Richard Castle: She's not naked. She's holding a gun... strategically.
Kate Beckett: It's Sunday morning. Shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?
Richard Castle: Wouldn't you be jealous if I were?
Kate Beckett: In your dreams.
Richard Castle: Actually, in my dreams, you're never jealous. In my dreams, you just join--
Kate Beckett: The next time you show up at a crime scene without me, I'll show you how my taser works.
Richard Castle: Promise?
Kate Beckett: If she's so bad, why did you have sex with her this morning?
Richard Castle: Let me tell you something about crazy people. The sex is unbelievable.
Kate Beckett: How shallow are you?
Richard Castle: Very.
Richard Castle: Alright, so you and I are married.
Kate Beckett: We are not married.
Richard Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Kate Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Richard Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Kate Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I wanna divorce.
Roger: Are you two like this all the time?
Richard Castle & Kate Beckett: Yes.
Kevin Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Javier Esposito: "Roadkill?"
Kevin Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.
Kevin Ryan: ...you know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Javier Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Kevin Ryan: 54th and Lex.
Javier Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.
“She’s going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really...”
– Richard Castle
“You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara....”
– Richard Castle
“Three men huddled around a computer… that better not be porn. And if it...”
– Richard Castle
Richard Castle: Yeah, and you always come to a complete stop at a red light and you never fudge your taxes. Tell me something: do you ever have any fun? Let your hair down? Drop your top? A little "cops gone wild"?
Kate Beckett: You do know that I'm wearing a gun?
“Well, you’re not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you...”
– Richard Castle
Richard Castle: [to his daughter Alexis] I just want someone to like come up to me and say something new.
Kate Beckett: Mr. Castle?
Richard Castle: [turning around holding a pen ready to give an autograph] Where would you like it?
Kate Beckett: [holding badge] Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.
Alexis Castle: That's new.
“midgets = nature’s doorstops”
– Bethany Schoer
July 2009
8 posts
Gene Hunt: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [Slightly nonplussed] She's a pain in the arse.
“From the diary, quote, “I killed her. She’s been killed. I’m a...”
– Sam Tyler
“[turns to address jury] huh, pillow pants join forces over a Margot pylons. You...”
– Alan Shore
Denny: You left me, Shirley. Women don't leave Denny Crane. And for a secretary!
Shirley: It was the Secretary of Defense.
Alan: Alan Shore, it's a pleasure. [extends hand to shake Shirley's hand after using the restroom]
Shirley Schmidt: Surely you intend to wash that.
Alan: I keep an extremely clean penis.
Alan: What's your specialty?
Dr. Konigsberg: Couples' counseling. I first saw the client and his wife together. Since the divorce, I've been working with him alone.
Alan: So they came to you to improve their relationship, and now one wants to kill the other. Not your best work, was it, doctor?
Brad: Feel free to mock me all you want, but don't you dare ridicule our troops.
Alan: Just so I'm clear, I should feel free to mock you.
“Perhaps you’ll find that witty comeback in your office.”
– Alan Shore
June 2009
133 posts
“It’s not lying, it’s just looking at things another way!”
– Fiyero
“A man’s called a traitor, or a liberator.
A rich man’s a thief, or...”
– The Wizard
Galinda: Unusually, and exceedingly, peculiar, and altogether, quite impossible to describe
Elphaba: (pauses a beat) Blond
Galinda: Your first party ever?
Elphaba: Do funerals count?
Galinda: Now, let's tell each other a secret that we've never told anyone else before. I'll go first. Fiyero and I are getting married!
Elphaba: He's asked you already?
Galinda: Oh, he doesn't know yet.
Fiyero: You know, I've been thinking—
Elphaba: Yes, I've heard.
Fiyero: Boy, you must think I'm really stupid, don't you?
Elphaba: No, not really stupid.
Nessarose: Mmm…What's in the punch?
Boq: Lemons and melons and pears.
Nessarose: Oh my!
Madame Morrible: You must be Nessarose, what a tragically beautiful face. And who is- [Turns to Elphaba and screams]
Elphaba: I'm the other daughter, Elphaba. I'm beautifully tragic.
“Where I’m from, the best way to bring people together… is to give...”
– The Wizard
“Smile, wave… and shut up.”
– Madame Morrible
“I can’t harbor a fugitive, I’m an unelected official!”
– Nessarose
“There’s no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and...”
– Fiyero
“I mean come on, they’re just shoes. Let it go!”
– Glinda Upland
“He’s distant and moodified… and he’s been thinking, which really...”
– Glinda Upland
“I don’t see why you can’t just teach us history, instead of always...”
– Glinda Upland
“It’s good to see me, isn’t it? No need to respond! That was...”
– Glinda Upland
“What could he get me? I clash with everything.”
– Elphaba Thropp
“I mean, who steals a dead woman’s shoes? Must’ve been raised in a...”
– Elphaba Thropp
“I don’t cause commotions, I am one.”
– Elphaba Thropp
Penny: Everything happens-
Billy: Don't say "for a reason".
Penny: No, I'm just saying "everything happens".
Penny: You're driving a spork into your leg
Billy: So I am. Hilarious.
Penny: (about Hammer) I'll be interested to know what you think of him. He said he might stop by.
Billy: Stop by here?
Penny: Yeah.
Billy: (checks wrist for watch, but he is not wearing one) Oh, goodness, look at my wrist. I gotta go.
Penny: But what about your clothes?
Billy: (checks contents of washer) I don't love these. See ya!
Penny: (about Hammer) He's a really good-looking guy, and I thought he was kind of cheesy at first...
Billy: (quietly) Trust your instincts.
Penny: But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface.
Billy: And sometimes there's a third even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface one.
Penny: (confused) Huh?
Billy: Like with pie.